COMFORT MY MOM
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|| Monday, July 23, 2007 ||
We were caught in traffic because a bus driver lost control of his vehicle and ended up blocking the entire road just after the Dimasalang (?) bridge... so it took us 2 hours to get to the cemetery.
Py's cousins were subjected to a long, humid wait... and by the time we got there, the skies above were already threatening rain.
So we had to expedite the celebration there... my SIL's family set up a tent over Pyro's niche... and some of the kids living in the cemetery picked calachuchi from the trees there to adorn Py's tomb with. Only, the flowers and the candles couldn't stand the heat talaga.
We said a short prayer... and we released the balloons my sister bought. We had Py's cousin blow the candle in Pyro's stead. I bought this huge mocha cake for the kids living there while SIL's family brought pancit to share with them too. SIL also lovingly made these chocolate lollipops to give away to them.
It's a good thing I didn't cry much. But of course, I cried. My brother cried too while we were saying a prayer.
Then we went to my SIL's home to properly eat.
I realized yet again how blessed Pyro was... seeing his cousins gathered there for him... having 3 of his Ninongs present... seeing his aunts/uncles taking the trouble to celebrate this special day.
In a way, it does make one feel guilty... that there are all these other kids who are alive who don't even get half the attention and blessing that Pyro continues to enjoy.
In another way, it reminded us that love goes on as life goes on... even after a death. And Py's birthday will always have to be celebrated because it was on that day that God gave him to us to bring us His love.
SIL texted yesterday how she cried that morning because she was missing Py. Despite my tears I had to remind her that before leaving us, Py made sure to leave us with sooo many stories and wonderful memories that will make us smile for a lifetime.
I asked my unborn, that if he could somehow communicate with those in heaven, to greet Py for us... and tell him we love him.
It's just really sad that Yakee and Pyro never got to meet and play with each other.
One other sad thing at the cemetery... there should have been three women with bulging bellies there. I'm thankful that my baby is growing just fine inside me, but I can't help but mourn with my SIL and Py's Ninang who lost theirs.
|| Saturday, July 21, 2007 ||HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR PYRO
(who would have been four years old today)
I dreamt of you last night... I was shouting Yapeeyee to make you stop something you're doing...
Credits: used Joyce Designs Sweet Dreams paper and heart
Fonts: lainie day, kelt and bickham script
Journalling: we'd always be sad that you only had three birthdays with us... but we'd always celebrate the day God gave you to us for you enriched our lives with so much beauty and love
We'd be converging at your resting place... I will buy the biggest mocha cake I can find, and we'd sing you the usual birthday song. And then we'll share the cake with the kids living at the cemetery, who have grown to be your friends, who continue watching over your grave, who picks flowers for you just because you're the cutest boy they know.
They know of the toys buried with you. They know how blessed with love you were when you were alive. That's why we're sharing your cake with them today. That's why your Mom is making those chocolate pops to give to them.
Tita Alma and Ninang Grace are also buying balloons for you... frustrated that we didn't get to fly some when we buried you.
Chances are, we'd all be crying a lot. But only because you're gone. Your birth will always be one of the happiest days in all our lives. Your birth will always be a miracle... a proof of God's love.
|| Wednesday, July 18, 2007 ||HIS BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP...
... well, that's all I can think about, really.
I know it's bad to be crying every day again over him... resisting the urge to really remember... resisting the urge to dwell on our loss...
... this is the first time that i'd be buying a birthday cake that he won't enjoy... oh, how I used to worry and plan over which perfect cake design to get for him...
I dare not even ask how my brother and SIL are...
I dreamt of him while I was in the hospital several days ago. In the dream, he was only around one year old... and he was claiming as his the baby clothes we have prepared for my unborn son. My sister and I would hide the clothes and he'd go playing again... and then find the clothes again and go running with them again.
In a weird way though... it wasn't a sad dream, so I didn't end up crying upon waking up.
My husband's family is thrilled that we're having a boy... my side of the family is torn. Of course, we're happy anticipating his birth, but we know that there'd be pain as well.
There'd always be pain for as long as we love him. And like what i've always said, we'd always love Py.
One thing is for sure, we'd make sure to raise our boy in a way that he won't have to compete with his cousin's memory... but we'd also teach him to love and learn from that cousin he never got to meet.
I'm just praying for some peace and comfort now...
|| Tuesday, July 10, 2007 ||HIS BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP...
... and days have been hard again, and tear-filled again.