COMFORT MY MOM
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|| Thursday, October 20, 2005 ||AND SO IT BEGINS
I'm not sure if their consultation ended around that time, or the good doctor woke up, found I had a question she hasn't answered yet, and replied with nary a thought on what time it was...
But well, because I stayed home sick yesterday and was drugged the whole day (read: asleep the whole day) and because I knew that the conclusive findings were in and the doctors were going to relay all info to my brother (finally!)... I was unfortunately awake at 2 am.
Imagine what one would think when an oncologist tells you that your nephew has to be re-admitted in the hospital that day too, as opposed to just the scheduled parent-doctor dialogue.
And I did the only thing I could do at such an ungodly hour.
Cry because my defenses were down and I was so scared.
I think I just had a pretty good idea how parents feel when the phone rings during the wee hours of the morn... and you know that one of your kids isn't home yet.
Good thing Doc Emer just got home and managed to calm me down with his text messages.
And good thing that Jojo woke up after my 3rd message to talk to me till around 3:30 am.
I've cried myself to sleep many times before...but never over a life.
Usually it was over some stupid love life.
I think I got tired pretty soon though... feeling so bad that it's the last night my siblings will probably sleep well... unsure when Pyro will be back home again...
Pyro woke up early, just past 6:30 AM. He took his meds for primary complex... and generally woke everybody up. So his Dad thought it would be fun for him to make lambing my cousin who was in my room.
I woke up... told him we have to have Pyro re-admitted. I think that was the moment when he really knew that it's really serious.
GERM CELL CARCINOMA located at his mediastinum and grew in his right lung.
Basically, the oncologist said we have two options:
1) Thoracic Cardiovascular Surgery then Chemotherapy, or
2) Chemotherapy then Surgery
The thing is, it's generally better (so the oncologist said) to remove the mass first because it's like killing ten enemies already, and then have the patient undergo chemotherapy.
However, since what Pyro has is so big and its location so critical... even a surgeon of 30 years experience wants them to try to reduce the mass a little because he couldn't guarantee that Py's heart would be able to take it.
Radiation is out of the question. It seems this treatment procedure doesn't work well with this type of cancer.
Py starts chemo tonight. And his survival will depend on so many things...
like the tumor responding to treatment
him not being allergic to chemo
his body not giving in to the disease
his body being able to mend after surgery
the tumor not continuing to grow
and every little thing in his body remaining stable... his white blood cells, his red blood cells, his kidney functions, his liver functions, etc
I always knew about cancer.
I read about it.
I read enough to be scared of it.
Then Chicken Soup for the Soul stories made me aware of how trying it could be, both for the patient and for those who love the patient.
Then I had two colleagues suffer from it. One of them has already died from it. And for some 2 1/2 years, we'd spend lunch times together... us 3, where they exchange stories of chemotherapy sessions in front of me. The other one seems to have fully recovered, albeit not without scars, both physical and emotional.
I have been scared to have a parent suffer from it.
Esply since I had to help watch over an uncle who had colon cancer (which has converted itself into prostate cancer).
I have dwelled on the possibility of me or my spouse suffering from it... as a result of second-hand smoking or pill use or stress or whatever.
But I have never, for the life of me, thought my real suffering from cancer would come in the form of the angel we've fallen in love with last 21 July 2003.
We're looking at 6-10 months of treatments and rehabilitation. And that is if we're lucky.
But we're going to be strong for Py.